Why do the good burghers of Goslar and Amsterdam not have to pay any council tax?

Ideas for local authorities in England and Wales

Dukaten-Scheißer from Amsterdam (Shitter of ducats, medieval gold coins)

Dukaten-Scheißer of Goslar town hall (near Hannover, Germany). The little man produces one gold coin every 30 seconds.

Unlike the stench which pervades the beautiful city of Blackburn whenever the farmers of Preston (10 miles away) (God have mercy upon them) feed their fields and meadows with slurry (Preston's famous answer to Blackburn's infamous curry), the Goslar gold coins neither stink nor smell.

This prompted Roman Emperor Vespasian (9 - 79 AD), when he visited Goslar to admire the productive little fellow and had sniffed at one of the coins, to say: 'Non olet' (It does not smell). Therefore, to this day, the few surviving stand-up urinals in Parisian streets are called "une Vespasienne".

You will not be surprised to learn that the good burghers of Goslar do not have to pay council tax.

The next best thing to employing your personal ducat shitter (their charges are exorbitant) is to invest in the on-line luck lottery. If you work hard and with enthusiasm, you yourself can become a ducat shitter.

This rare Polish 100 Ducats coin of Sigismund III sold at auction a few years ago for $1,380,000 .

If you want to know how Inkerman wins his money through a lottery syndicate, and how he gets the chance to win a grand (£1,000) without even paying a subscription, click on e-lottery and explore the site.